fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I did not marry a roomba.
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