yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
