He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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