Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
