I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
