That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
