the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
