Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
