Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
