These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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