I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
