Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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