I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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