What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
