You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
