He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
