my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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