i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He felt like a one man threesome
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
