is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
