Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
