We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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