remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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