thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
