I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
