Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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