dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
