Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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