This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
