I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
