I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
barbara walters just said penis...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
