whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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