Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Come on in and take your pants off
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