Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
