So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
