flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
