Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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