bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
be right there i have to get my cape
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
