Jerry, you need to find god
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
