just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
