you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
not ubering you a puppy
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
