i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
