I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
