You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
