I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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