Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
