I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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