Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Randomize
