tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
