Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
