i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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