went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
