Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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