This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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